Exposed: 5-Course Caribbean Dinner Menu; Investigation Uncovers
Breaking News:
Beers Escape Ale Jail,
Take Caribe Hostage
ST. PAUL -- Unknown volumes of beer were reported missing from Ale Jail Monday, according to authorities. Upon their apparent aided escape, the beer made it's way directly to 791 Raymond Avenue, St. Paul, where it began consorting with the food in an apparent "party."
Adam Schulte, Rogue Certified Cicerone and Beer Warden from Ale Jail is rumored to have aided the beers' escape from Ale Jail, located at 1787 Saint Clair Avenue in St. Paul.
"Good beer can only be locked up for so long." Warden Schulte shrugged, when questioned by authorities, "Beer needs a vacation just like the rest of us." Schulte declined to elaborate, but mentioned hearing recent chatter amongst Ale Jail inmates about a new restaurant down the street. "Our beers have been pretty restless ever since they heard the place had great Caribbean food."
“Good beer can only be locked up for so long,” said Warden Schulte, who is rumored to have aided in the beers’ escape.
Events escalated into a hostage situation at Caribe when beers began boldly "claiming" dishes as their own. One beer was reportedly seen flaunting his banana-clove aromatics and sweet malts to seduce Caribe's signature jerk spice.
Oddly, Grand Poo-Bah of Caribe, Tony Panelli, seems to be welcoming the commotion. "Why would I mind?" said Panelli, "We like to have fun here. Excuse me, I have an order to cook." His Caribbean dishes were unable to comment, as the food was clearly under the influence of the beer.
Though Warden Schulte hasn't admitted to aiding in the beers’ escape, his innocence remains in question as recent reports spotted him walking around town with a big smile, eating food at Caribe Caribbean Bistro, and issuing unauthorized Tweets about an April beer dinner at Caribe. It is uncertain whether these are isolated events or in conjunction with the crime.
"That beer didn't just escape on it's own," said Ale Jail owner, Paul Wentzel, "someone obviously helped them get out."
Frustrations mount, as authorities' search has only lead them to citizens wanting to partake in a beer and food event at Caribe, and asking which beers will be added to the new beer menu.
In response to public interest, local authorities are now requesting all beer loving residents voluntarily turn themselves in to 791 Raymond Ave. St. Paul on Monday, April 18th at 6:00pm for an intervention.
Area beer enthusiasts are urged to contact 651-641-1446 immediately, as space is limited. If the hostage situation does not settled down by April 18th, participating citizens will be expected to aid in consuming the out-of-control beer while savoring a four-course dinner.
Beer so good
It’s Criminal
Warden Schulte will be present to ensure proper enjoyment is being carried out.
It is unclear how this event will solve the mystery, but it is sure to threaten all we've come to know and expect of Mondays.
Authorities are also urging local beer loving residents to immediately follow @AleJail and @CaribeBistro on Twitter for details leading to the arrest of their taste buds.
Again, arrangements to turn yourself in, must be made by calling 651-641-1446.*
*Failure to comply will result in severe regret and may have an adverse affect on your social status among beer enthusiasts. Consider this your warning.
“We like to have fun here,” said Tony Panelli, Grand Poo-bah of Caribe, who seems to be welcoming the commotion.
Published March 21, 2011.
Beer News Update:
Beer "Gang of 5"
Identities Released
Published March 29, 2011.
ST. PAUL -- While the suspects remain at large, carousing with Caribe's food, authorities have released the identities of the five hostage-takers involved in last week's invasion of Caribe.
Reluctantly, Warden Schulte of Ale Jail produced mug shots and criminal histories of the five escaped beers, each originating from different breweries. The beers' seemingly arbitrary association with one another was found to be quite the contrary.
"This gang of beers has a history alright," remarked Warden Schulte, "they share a profound infatuation with Caribbean cuisine."
"I mean, seriously," Warden Schulte continued, "the subtle malt sweetness and balanced bitterness of Lagunitas Maximus IPA are just begging to be satisfied with jerk spice. Isn't that obvious?"
As jerk spice goes Minnesota nice, it appears the seductiveness of Grand Poo-Bah Panelli's Caribbean cooking seemed to be just the thing to put the beers over the edge, prompting the alleged escape.
Hennepin Saison: Charged with numerous counts of stalking salads and fish; luring victims with it's brilliant fruit, spice and fresh white bread characteristics. Leaving victims with a refreshing mineral finish.
Flat Earth Belgian Pale Ale: Charged with identity theft after numerous successful attempts at pairing with countless dishes. Known for toasted biscuit malt, banana, spice and floral hop aromatics. Caramel sweetness lends to a medium body before the beer dries on the finish.
Weihenstephaner Hefe: Bright, effervescent, and aromatic, a true German criminal mastermind. Guilty of flaunting subtle banana clove aromatics and hints of smoke. Convicted of theft; stealing the spotlight with it's irresistible creamy body and dry, banana bread-like finish.
Lagunitas Maximus IPA: Convicted of assault on hidden desires, taking prisoners with it's orange zest and herbal hop aromas while seizing taste buds with subtle malt sweetness and balanced bitterness. A dangerous beer. Spicy food, beware.
La Trappe Quadrupel: Guilty of capturing the imagination of tempting desserts. Notes of honey, toffee and dark toast blend with a smooth creamy body. Flavors of fig and raisin are combined with a warming rum quality.
Authorities continue to request area citizens guilty of appreciating fine beer and food, to turn themselves in on Monday April 18th, 2011, at 6:00pm for the intervention. The event is by reservation only and guilty persons are urged to call 651-641-1446 immediately.
The stakes are high, as the meal has increased to five courses, a seemingly more fair match for the five beers currently frolicking in Caribe's kitchen. Bail has been set at $65 for the release of inhibitions and to change the way participating citizens think about beer and food.
Beer Dinner Update:
Published April 11, 2011.
St. Paul, MN -- Chef, aka "Grand Poo-Bah" Tony Panelli of Caribe Caribbean Bistro confessed in conspiring with Beer Warden Adam Schulte of Ale Jail in the planning of a Caribbean beer dinner, to take place Monday April 18th at 791 Raymond Ave. St. Paul.
"What's the big deal? I have nothing to hide," Panelli said to authorities on Monday, "I'm just here to show people a good time. You guys want a beer?"
Detectives uncovered evidence of Panelli's plans with the escaped beers during the investigation at Caribe last week. Menu drafts and emails with Warden Schulte of Ale Jail were among the documents found in Grand Poo-Bah Panelli's office.
Inmates escaping, however, still warranted an investigation.
"We thought the investigation was over," reported one detective who wished to remain anonymous,"We looked through everything [at Caribe] and all we could find was food and beer in the cooler, Legos on the desk, kid drawings hanging everywhere, and solitaire games on the computer. As we were finishing off some beers Tony gave us, we found a clipboard tucked under a six-pack with what appeared to be a 5 course dinner menu."
“You guys want a beer?” said Chef Panelli when questioned by authorities on his alleged involvement with the Ale Jail beer escape. Panelli was found guilty of conspiring with Warden Schulte, who pleaded insanely educated on fine beers.
Caribe 5-Course Beer Dinner
I. Amuse Bouche
Salt Cod Ceviche, toston, with avocado relish.
Hennepin Saison
II. Appetizer
Pionono, topped with
coconut chutney.
Weihenstephaner Hefe
III. Soup
Gazpacho topped with black bean sauce and micro greens.
Flat Earth Belgian Pale Ale
IV. Entrée
Caribbean Paella: Saffron rice, spicy chorizo, jerk chicken, octopus, mussels, langoustines, almonds, golden raisins, roasted sweet peppers; topped with
rum glazed shrimp.
Lagunitas Maximus IPA
V. Dessert
Banana rum cheesecake with fresh berries and pineapple caramel.
La Trappe Quadrupel
The investigation closed abruptly once authorities determined it would be detrimental to society to keep the public from experiencing unique Caribbean cuisine paired with such fine beers.
Meanwhile, Warden Schulte was released after further questioning when he pleaded insanely educated on fine beers.
The hand written menu found on Panelli’s desk.
"He's either telling the truth, or he's crazy," said St. Paul’s Sergeant Saison, "We're giving Schulte one last chance to prove his sanity during talks at the beer dinner on Monday the 18th."
Witnesses reported Schulte's demeanor seemed oddly relaxed during questioning, almost as though he were inebriated. Though it was unclear whether he was under the influence or just plain excited for the beer dinner.
Warden Adam Schulte continues to bike around town in his "Don't Worry Be Hoppy" T-shirt, and sipping beer behind the counter at Ale Jail.
Area residents interested in partaking in the beer dinner, must make their reservation this week, as the dinner is by reservation only. Price for the dinner is $65 per person and includes dinner paired with 5 beers. Reservations may be made by calling 651-641-1446.
